The Granny Diaries 1.0

Sooooo although me and my hubby have been fine - my granny and I are now going at it. Check it. When we first moved to Texas, I was the one that was working and paying for the majority of our rent and stuff - fine. Flash-forward 6 months later - I am out of a job and my grandmother and husband are now working. She is upset that I dont do enough around this house or my husband either for that matter. Mind you, I take her to work every morning by driving 20 miles to her job and I pick her up. My uncle just got out from prison and who is driving him around??? You know it - me. When my lazy smart aleck brother needs to be picked up from his Football practice - HELLO - there I am. And yet I cant say jack to him - even though he is in MY HOUSE and his room always looks like THIS -

Yet I am the one being fussed at??????????????????

I never clean up the way she likes it and our house is always filthy - OMG! Have you seen our house - it doesnt look like anyone lives here because it is always so CLEAN!



But according to my granny - it is filth-nasty-dirty. My granny is a neat freak. She likes things clean - spick-n-span. That is fine - in fact - I am a little bit just like her. On the other hand, I can go two days without cleaning our house. It is two stories and truth be told doesnt need to be cleaned EVERYDAY especially when it looks clean anyway! I do understand though that we need to clean up the little things - like the dust behind the washer and dryer or the crumbs at the bottom of the Fridge.....or the piece of trash under the couch that I had no idea was there.

Ok - so I didnt mop our entryway this week and there were cereal crumbs on the floor........SORRY - I didnt know. We had a shouting match today. I have NEVER shouted at my grandmother but I had had enough.....I thought she was going to hit me. She insulted me pretty badly.....but and right now I am tearing up from what she said......I dont know if I can forget what she said. Apparently I dont do enough so I will just clean up the way she would like and make sure if I have funds that I go shopping for meat - because that was one of her gripes too. Whatever. It is like a circus - a very clean circus. I am done.

The Nag Diaries 1.7 - The Big Tiff

Ok - it was bad. We had a fight. Today started off really good. I got up, made breakfast for my hub and daughter. But I just couldnt let it go.......the loneliness I have been feeling, the neglect, the anger that I had pent up inside - all came tumbling out with 9 words. I brought up that dreadful video game again.......boy did he blow up at me......

Gezz: "I will NEVER stop playing my game - I was playing before I met
you and I wont stop"
Me: "Then I dont want to be with you anymore."
Gezz: Fine! %@#! this #$%!.......Im sick of you nagging
anyways........(something to that affect)
Me: Standing there completely dumbfounded with dishwater suds dripping on the floor. In shock. I cant believe I said that to him.....

It was horrible. I dont even want to think about it but I have to write about it. I found him upstairs in our closet...that is our home away from home - it is like seperate room - it is a seperate room. Anyway there he was, packing. Always packing. He wanted to leave. I wouldnt let him until he calmed down.

I didnt know. I didnt know how much he was hurting to. I didnt know. I didnt know how much this was affecting him. I didnt know. All I knew was that I was hurting and he needed to hurt too - and he was. I just didnt know.

He broke his Xbox game in anger......you would think I would be happy about that but it only made things worse.

We decided to just go ahead and call it quits. I am depressed, physically sick and tired all the time........we sat in our closet for almost an hour and a half. Talking, crying, fussing, blaming - never once did we stop and say let's pray. Man is this what the bible talks about in terms of marriage? Is this how Eve felt when she went ahead and bit that apple because her husband wasnt paying attention to her at the time? Eve, how could you. And now we have this.....

We talked. We worked it out. I poured out my feelings once again and this time he really listened. He made me punch him a couple of times too to get the aggression out......I hate violence but it did make me feel better to sock something... I wanted to make up in the only way married people can but leave it to my hubby to be such a man - he had to take "a dump".....(rolls eyes)

So why am I writing all this?? I dont know. I want our marriage to work - truly I do. But sometimes, I have to ask myself, is it all worth it?