Nag Diaries 76.9 - Marriage Rocks

Real, Real Talk

Disclaimer:  Some of these situations are true, some of them are not but these are the thoughts of a woman trying to please her husband and hoping to get pleased herself.  

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I have been there many times.  Hubby comes home - in the mood.  You oblige him.  

It is going spectacular.

He finishes well before you.  Your excitement deflates as he apologizes.  Are you mad he asks.  Nope, you lie.  He asks you to look at him as you burn a hole in the wall from the darts shooting from your eyes.  You look at him, small smile.  You lie and say you are not mad.

But inside you are cursing, rolling your eyes and sighing in unsatisfied sexual frustration.

He apologizes again, it wasn't his fault.  He was REALLY horny.

Hey, I wasn't horny to begin with.  I was sleep and got that tap tap, shoulder roll over signal.

He tries to make it up by asking if you want to cuddle because he knows this makes you really happy.  You oblige because saying what is on your mind is out of the question.

A heavy arm is thrown across your waist as you rest on your belly. A chin rests on the back of your shoulder.  Breathing gets heavy and you realize in less than 15 freaking seconds that.........this *&!#@#! man is SLEEP.

You turn your head to the left to peek at him.  He is even snoring.  Then silently, you turn back to stare at the wall.

And he took both of the dang pillows.

*exasperated sound goes here*

Your thoughts turn to something else.  You could do it you know.  Just take care of it yourself.  It will be quick.  You know your body better than he does sometimes.

You go back and forth about the whole thing, because you really don't want to.  It's not really that satisfying because you would rather have the alternative - the real thing.

Yet, man - come on.  

Still fuming and semi-sleepy horny, your mind is made up.

You reach your hand down, careful not to wake him.  You snarl at yourself because you cant believe you are worried about waking him.

He moves his leg and slightly as his arm tightens around your waist.

That right hand creeps down.

Touches........touches........an envelope stuck to your leg.

The moment has passed as you pull the envelope from under the covers.

The dang water bill.  

You open the water bill and see that the bill is lower this month.
Hmm, that's good.  You smile, see the pile of laundry still waiting.

You remove his arm from your waste.  He wakes.  You tell you him you have to go to the bathroom.  Jumping out of bed you realize, it's OK.  It's really not that big of a deal.

Besides, who is going to do the laundry?

The day must go on. 

The Nag Diaries 1.9 - Kiss me when you come home

I mean it is only like the right thing for a husband to do, right? Wrong. My hubby didn't kiss me when he came home. He didn't even come upstairs. He sat downstairs eating and surfing the internet. I wasn't as mad as my blog seems to project but I was irritated. I am a SNW - Special Needs Wife. I admit it. So we spent the wee hours of the morning hitting each other with pillows, tossing around phrases like "guess that PC likes your face more than I do" and "shut up". He kept taking my pillows and throwing them across the room........I kept whining about him not sleeping on my side of the bed cause I like to cuddle and all that. Then I made him turn the bed around.....just to get on his nerves.........how I love these little play times we have! If you all don't realize who my husband and I are like - then just watch the King of Queens.......yep that's us! UPS and all - except I don't look nearly as svelte as Carrie.........working on that. Anyway.........Happy New year folks.........is it the 7 already???

My baby girl is in her "I really don't want my homework" phase. She keeps losing ALL of her homework and then lying to me about it. I swear she is copying off another kid in her class. So I had to take away her TV, new keyboard and DVD privileges........gosh kids these days got it made!!! Today I am making her do laundry. It would be a punishment but she seems to LIKE doing chores........that's all for now.

BTW - I got a job. I am happy that I have a job but being fired for the first time in my life and unemployed has taught me a couple of lessons. Be content, thank God for all things and shut up. Complaining doesn't change anything except your mood from content to irritated.

Toodles!

The Nag Diaries 1.8 - The Great Comprimise

So Tiffs done and over. We have decided to really just shut the heck up and talk. I know, doesnt make sense right? Well we both realized that we were flapping our gums and saying nothing but stuff that would hurt each other. My hub finally admitted that he was addicted to the videogame........in fact he says that he is suffering from Xbox withdrawal......I dunno.......what trips me out is that the Xbox is mine and I have never played it.....so I guess I wasnt THAT wrong for putting it up for sale. Anyway.....we have comprimised. I am going to be more patient and understanding. I got some great advice from my girls over at the Womens Hair Loss Project....smiling will be a tool that I pull out very often.

My hubby has also agreed to blog with me. That should be very interesting. I hope so. Until then........toodles!

Nag Diaries 1.6 - Sunday is Funday

This has been one hard week. Things are not going to well with my hubby. Ugh! I dont know what to do with him. I cant sell him, cant pimp him - that's illegal and I cant give him away - we are under contract you know. What's a married girl to do???? I don't give up easily and I am not a cheater..........takes to much energy and believe it or not I love my Gezz. I remember how we met...............
*dream sequence starts to be quickly interrupted by reality* - yes we met on MySpace! I fell in love with my husband the first night we met face to face. He was soo cute and he told me EVERYTHING...........now he does all his talking with his game controller. *sigh*

Even though the X-box did sell, I didnt have the heart to ship it. I refunded the moolah and made up some lame excuse......ok wait a minute, I am the one missing out on hubby/wifey time - he is the one that spends ridiculous amounts of time in front of the boob tube shooting people. Why is it fair that I sit through Sharkboy and Lavagirl with my duaghter (it had it's moments) alone. Dont get me wrong, I like quality time with my baby girl - but why should I be the only to suffer through goofy kid movies????? My brain is entitled to some freedom, isn't it?

God how do people who have been married for 40 years do it??????????? I mean - do you know how many days that is for crying out loud. I dont think I am going to make it 40 years before I check out mentally.....oh God - I think I have already checked out! Am I the only one feeling this? (knocks on PC monitor)

Hey! Are yall listening?

The Password Wars

So my husband hasn't quite gotten the fact that - yes, we are married. He hoards his "privacy" and his obsession with "mine" as in that's mine, leave it alone, dont pick it up, I like my side of the closet junky because - "that's mine".

Me on the other hand decided the day that we got married that what was mine, was his, and what was his better be mine or else. Does that include email accounts? Yeppers buddy. I do a lot of stuff for my husband - better yet I handle a lot of the business aspect of our lives so it is essential that I know everything about my husband (which I do) including his email passwords. He didn't agree with me though.......

Me: Goes to PC to check hubs email, WTHeck, the password doesnt work! *thinks: he must have changed it*. Lightbulb! I will just do a password reset email to change it back. Proceeds to change password back to original, checks email, reads a couple that I shouldnt have and moves on to important issues regarding email.

Hubby: *thinks: I wonder if I got an email from my bro* Sets down to check email. Alert! Invalid password entered! *WTFreak, I didnt change my password* Stops and thinks.........WIFE! Proceeds to change password AGAIN to "LEAVEMYPASSWORDALONE" - Smiles at the irony of that. Gets up to go play video games.

Me - 30 minutes later: Let me see if he received any email from the school. Goes to check email - and wouldnt you know it - ALERT - INVALID PASSWORD! Sighs with anger and changes the password to "QUITBEINGSOSECRETIVE" and stomps away from the PC.

Hubby - 1 hour later: Let's see if she changed it again - she did. Proceeds to change the password to "NONEOFYOURBUSINESS".

Me: Changes it again to "YOUWILLNEVERKNOW"

Hubby: Changes password to "IDESERVEPRIVACY"

Me:  Changes password to "QUITCHANGINGPASSWORD"

4 hours later - Me and Hubby: "Why do you keep changing the password"

My hubby finally tells me that he needs to be able to have his privacy and I very diplomatically tell him that as long as I am going to be handling the business side of our marriage then your email passwords are MY email passwords, capisce?

Long story short, I know all his passwords and important numbers.......he couldnt hide them from me anyway.  I am too much of a snoop.

Toodles

The E Word

Ewwww - the E word. My husband and I made a pact for the time that we are going through right now. Since I am not working and he works odd hours, we decided that he would get up every morning and walk with me. So yep - I Exercised.......wasnt pretty either. We have this great neighborhood where there are at least 20 fire hydrants along our main street. Soooo, silly me all - "lose that weight" enthused decided that we should jog from hydrant to hydrant, then speed walk and so on.

Did I forget to mention that I was diagnosed with asthma about two months ago??? I was so out of breath my ears started to hurt! I really thought they were going to start bleeding from all the blood rushing around in my head.........it was horrible. Needless to say we jog between three sets of fire hydrants and my hub was worried about me so we walked all the way back....my ears didnt stop hurting until we were almost home. Jesus help me!

A Word to the wise and out of shape - going slow is not a bad idea, listen to your ears. And to this the fat brown cow saays: