Nag Diaries 8.10 - Sexcapades

This is actually one of my favorite posts and I am reposting it just for fun! 

I have not blogged all week!! I have been working....and an update is soon to come for what has happened this week.  But I must tell yall about my event full morning this 14th day of our Lord, 2010.

Friday my sudd-muffin was being a jerk.  Every time I turned around he was texting me about putting oil in the car and NAGGING me about how much money we have in the bank.  Really?  I'm at work.  Listening to other people nag about unemployment or lack thereof and he keeps texting me about OIL for the car and MONEY.  **exasperated string of curse words go here**  Then he gives me a "directive" via text:  "Remember: before you take Rasheeda home, get some oil."

I almost threw my Blackberry.  I mean why didn't he get the oil for the car after he dropped me off at work at 7am???  Answer: because he went back home and went to sleep!

Moving on - I was not happy with the sudd-muffin.  He was on the Hit List - I was gonna hit him when I saw him.  Just smack em.  Things just got worse.  I think he had Male PMS yesterday.  He whined about everything and was just in a oh so foul I'm a man mood instead of the Old Spice mood.

Que-so, this morning when I wake up - Garrett is in "I'm sorry mode".   Which I appreciate.  He apologized profusely.  Mind you this is all happening in front of my computer desk and chair - with him in it.  I decide to forgive him because really - I have the kind of day he had at least 3 times a week!

 *Fade to black goes here and role credits..*

Sexcapade Credits

Sincere yet hopeful husband featuring the Ambitious but clumsy wife

And

Introducing 

The Keyboard tray - Taking sexy back one kick at a time....

I am still in my pajamas - which is an old blue nightshirt with stars and moons on it from when I was pregnant 9 years ago - Not sexy but tryin. I looked down at my hubby sitting in that chair smirking and smiling, lay my hand on one of his shoulders, the other on the side of his face in a soft caress, flip that left eyebrow up in my sexy "come here" way and attempt to throw/kick my leg over his shoulder all sexy like while he is sitting in the chair. You know the way ladies with sexy fishnet stockings do so the guy can run his hand up the calf and thigh.......

*disaster goes here*

So I didn't really judge how far away I was from the keyboard tray on the computer desk.  My leg (mind you the one with the metal plate and screws in it) collides with/underneath the keyboard tray at my ankle, lifts the keyboard tray up into up in the air about 5 inches only to slam back down.  Loudly*. 

The sudd-muffin commences to roll off the chair straight onto the floor to do what he does best - laughs at me. 
I was mortified.  All I could do was limp over to the couch and cover my face while he is TRULY ROFL at me! 

Now I sit here with a lump on my ankle typing this.......how did I get here.  *smirk*  I can always try that again another day....

Anyone else have a sexcapade disaster?  Go ahead and tell it - I won't laugh.

Nag Diaries 10.2, Can we Pretend that Airplanes...................

Nothing as exciting as my sexcapade has occurred but life goes on...this post is kind of long and if you are anything like me......you will skip around, get bored, scroll to the bottom to look for something juicy...go read someone else blog entry, check to see how many comments......
Que-Ever.

My daughter did come home finally last Monday! She almost didn't. I forgot to send my mom a copy of Weenies birth certificate so the day of the flight everything that could go wrong - yeah - cliche.

First, my Internet didn't work. At all. I told that know-it-all AT&T rep that it was not MY phone line but the modem but hey, she's the one getting paid by AT&T and  insisted the tech was coming to look at the "phone line" to check it.  Fine - we waited, in the four hour window for the tech.

Anyway, back to Weenie - her flight was scheduled to leave from Los Angeles at 9AM on 8-16-10. First thing in the morning (Texas time) I am on my P.O.Crap blackberry trying to "tether" it to use as a modem.  I did everything - crackberry, BB forum, explored the disk that came w/it.  Nothing worked. I thought for sure since I had the Everything Data Plan or whatever it is called I would be able to use my BB as a modem - NOPE. Not happening.

So I jump on said BB to phone me mom only to be greeted with 48 year old attitude because it's LAX & that airport is known for being crowded.  Now LAX is a whole nother animal compared to Love field where you can leave less than an hour early from home and STILL make it to the gate with time to spare - NO ONE IS EVER THERE!!!

My mom had a big time 'tude. First I had to find my daughters scanned birth certificate on my PC, the scan as PDF function was NOT working so I had to scan it as a .jpg, copy it & paste it to a Word doc, enlarge it so it was legible, save said doc, connect the PC to the BB, transfer doc to BB, disconnect BB from PC, create an email from my BB to me mom, attach birth certificate - SEND - in lest than 30 mins cause mind you my mom is still at home in Los Angeles at 8am....plane leaves at 9am.....LAX advises all travelers to arrive at least 2 hours early - even earlier for unaccompanied minors.

I had to argue with my mom just to take her to the airport - she wouldn't leave! We hung up at least 3 times and called each other back. I was so frustrated I had to have the sudd-muffin talk to her - then she hung up on him. In the meantime the BB is.....still.....sending. So I think maybe it's the word doc, lemme send it again as a .jpg so off to the PC AGAIN, connect BB, transfer, repeat SEND. And the email just sits there.

Meanwhile the AT&T guy is there trying to "figure" out what's wrong with our phone line.....*smirk*
My mom  is STILL debating on leaving to go to airport AFTER I call call Southwest airlines.  They reassured me if my lil baby was there at least 2 hours within the flight leaving they will reschedule for free.  YAY.  Mom doesn't really care cause she doesn't want to sit all day at LAX in case weenie misses her flight & has to take another....

LEAVE ALREADY AND JUST TRY!

That is what I wanted to scream but I didn't. She did leave after much stomping and lip pouting on my part. Gets to LAX and there is about 100 peeps in the Southwest line *PANIC/frown*.

Mom calls me back:

Mom:  NayLahknee, it's about 100 people in front of me & I'm gonna have to pay someone to move ahead in the line, she aint never gonna make it on the plane...blah blah...sigh, OMG....wah wah....

Me: *gritting teeth* (thinks to self: I don't care....pay someone as long as she gets on that plane........) but what I really said was, Mom you are at the airport, ask someone about unaccompanied minors....

Mom: Grrrrrrr....**hangs up phone**

Me: **pulls out another strand of hair from my already balding head.**

Meanwhile - both BB emails have went nowhere, AT&T guy fixes the modem and voila! Internet back - a lot of good it will do me now though....all I could think of was "CRAP!"

Me and hubby have little spat about going to daughters orientation at new Harmony Science Nature & Sports Center (we changed her schools)....went a lil' something like this:

He had forgot.
I didn't.
He didn't want to go.
I didn't care - he was going.
There was some blah blah blah, haven't even taken a shower yet...stuff that came from the sudd-muffin. Again, didn't care;
He wanted to drink his coffee.
I didn't care if he snorted it.
Butt better be in the car and rolling down the street with me.
Sudd-muffin disappears for like 5 mins, runs back down stairs and starts rushing me to go.  Mind you, I have yet to lotion down my bodacious legs and look like I have been cleaning chalkboard erasers with my legs from the knee down....do ya think he wanted to wait for me to get some lotion???????  NO! 

We get to the orientation and guess what? The school decides to tell everyone that they will NOT be starting classes on 8-23-10 like everyone else but 8-30-10 because the school is not finished yet and no one is allowed in the building.

WTHeck????  What I really said, in my head of course was, "Ain't this some s*!@...."
Then I had to ask for forgiveness......Jesus take the wheel.

I jump quick like on the BB to call me mom and wouldn't you know it those stupid emails finally went through. Mom gets on the phone just quick enough to let me know wennie girl has just gotten on the plane and cant really talk right then.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

The Kicker
Now this would not have upset me as much except that her original flight was supposed to leave on 8-21-10. Me and sudd-muffin missed her sooo much that we paid to have her flight changed to bring her back 6 days early so we could spend time with her before she went to school. The universe was not working with me. I try to tell me mom NOT to put her on the plane but.....it was too late.......

Yeah, see that Nag down below, with the arse looking you dead in the face?
Mmm hmm.  Ain't gonna say nothing else.

Nag Diaries - with Jesus

I went to my first marriage ministry meeting today - by myself. It was very difficult and I wanted to just burst out in tears as I sat listening to the HUSBANDS esteem their wives. They were so proud of them and so...............loving. My heart fell right through my arse and onto the floor and just sat there bleeding. I didnt really talk much and it felt like a scene from an AA meeting -

Facilitator: "How bout you NaLonni, do you have anything to say?"
Me: "Nope, just listening."

I didnt know what to say. How do you say that you are slowly dying inside and that pretty little "picture frame marriage" that I had in mind is just that - a picture in a frame. You know, I know that God is real to me but how can I stay faithful in my marriage - now I am not talking about cheating - I mean stay faithful in that I am prayerful and understanding and not taking digs at him because I know this is not what God would have me to do?

We are going through the Fireproof series with Kirk Cameron. Now I must say - he is a really good actor and the little mini clip that we got to see tonight was funny. It was like they took a page out of my journal........that is really sad though. Other couples go through this. Oh well. I am going to go next month and God willing, he will change my mind and deal with me so that I can be a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my daughter.

Toodles for now!

The Nag Diaries 2.0 - The D word

It has been a minute since I last blogged.....things are going great. I am working, my granny is working, my husband is working two jobs and he just got promoted to Captain/Supervisor position. You'd think I would be happier.......Im not. I couldnt even get excited about his promotion.....I dont want to be married anymore. One year and 6 months in and I would rather be by myself. I am tired of the lonliness, the sadness, the hurt the bitterness. I dont want to be a married bitter woman. Wishing I could meet someone else that will pay attention to me and adore me the way I adore them. True I am not innocent in this - lately the only thing I can think of whenever he is sharp with me is what an a-hole he is.....but would my reactions be the same if I didnt feel so disrespected and treated like an after-thought? What kind of marriage is this?

Men have this way of thinking that just because they are working - then everything should be fine - that they are doing more than enough. I mean what else would we want them to do?? I hate it. I dont like this marriage and I am pretty sure I am a coward when it comes to the suicidal thoughts so I would rather just be by myself. I can hack it- I have for 5 years until I met Garrett. I look at our wedding pictures often and just wish I can have some of that joy and elation that we had on that day. I wrote about this before........no one takes pictures of the not so happy days....no one has a mantle full of unsmiling families......only beautiful smiles that exude fantasy happiness - the Picture Frame Marriage is what I call it. We want so much of what was in that framed wedding day photo but truth be told.......that was just one day.

One of my coworkers says she keeps a calendar and X's out all the days when she fell out with her husband or the days they had a bad day. She said that she would ask herself everyday if her husband was worth it - if push came to shove could she deal with the months that had maybe more X's......I ask myself that all the time - Can I deal?

I havent always had the best love life and I would swear I was bipolar. I thought that maybe getting married would kind of make things better - granted that wasnt the reason WHY I got married but I hoped that my husband and I would become better not bitter. I dont know. I try to imagine my life without my husband and I think - yep I could do it. Then I think about my daughter.

How much more of her life can I ruin or make worse? How is that fair to her? But what about me? How can I be a good mother to her when I cant even have my joy? Im tired and empty. I dont want to get a divorce but everytime I think about it - something in my mind says leave him and get it over with - and then God steps in and tells me to have patience........but why? Why do I have to wait until he grows up? Why is it that a man never fully understands what he has UNTIL he loses it? Why cant they just see it right while they are in it? It's not fair. It hurts and the pain is nagging......is this the way my husband feels when I nag him? That it just wont go away? Irritated? Angry? Upset? Fed Up??

Guess it really doesnt matter huh.....going to bed now. By myself because my husband is more comfortable on the floor without me interupting his sleep with my arm around him..........what a sorry piece of mess I have.


Toodles....

The Nag Diaries 1.8 - The Great Comprimise

So Tiffs done and over. We have decided to really just shut the heck up and talk. I know, doesnt make sense right? Well we both realized that we were flapping our gums and saying nothing but stuff that would hurt each other. My hub finally admitted that he was addicted to the videogame........in fact he says that he is suffering from Xbox withdrawal......I dunno.......what trips me out is that the Xbox is mine and I have never played it.....so I guess I wasnt THAT wrong for putting it up for sale. Anyway.....we have comprimised. I am going to be more patient and understanding. I got some great advice from my girls over at the Womens Hair Loss Project....smiling will be a tool that I pull out very often.

My hubby has also agreed to blog with me. That should be very interesting. I hope so. Until then........toodles!

Nag Diaries 1.6 - Sunday is Funday

This has been one hard week. Things are not going to well with my hubby. Ugh! I dont know what to do with him. I cant sell him, cant pimp him - that's illegal and I cant give him away - we are under contract you know. What's a married girl to do???? I don't give up easily and I am not a cheater..........takes to much energy and believe it or not I love my Gezz. I remember how we met...............
*dream sequence starts to be quickly interrupted by reality* - yes we met on MySpace! I fell in love with my husband the first night we met face to face. He was soo cute and he told me EVERYTHING...........now he does all his talking with his game controller. *sigh*

Even though the X-box did sell, I didnt have the heart to ship it. I refunded the moolah and made up some lame excuse......ok wait a minute, I am the one missing out on hubby/wifey time - he is the one that spends ridiculous amounts of time in front of the boob tube shooting people. Why is it fair that I sit through Sharkboy and Lavagirl with my duaghter (it had it's moments) alone. Dont get me wrong, I like quality time with my baby girl - but why should I be the only to suffer through goofy kid movies????? My brain is entitled to some freedom, isn't it?

God how do people who have been married for 40 years do it??????????? I mean - do you know how many days that is for crying out loud. I dont think I am going to make it 40 years before I check out mentally.....oh God - I think I have already checked out! Am I the only one feeling this? (knocks on PC monitor)

Hey! Are yall listening?

The Nag Diaries 1.5

So.....this has really been a rough couple of months and nothing says "save my marriage" like financial woes and unemployment! My husband, God love him, is the best! I am to the point now where I really cant even get mad at him anymore because he is who he is. Since our move to Texas, my hub has racked up three speeding tickets - he has lead foot syndrome. Fine - we got tickets - OKAY ALREADY!

But this is bad...my hub paid for his ticket and made the assumption that the SECOND citation on the ticket was included in the payment (no insurance - we have insurance unfortunately I had not added his name yet because we were newly married and I procrastinated and blah blah blah) - WRONG. My husband has been trying to get a job with the Police Department at UTA. This was his THIRD time applying. And wouldnt you know it we got that "Thank you for applying, but" letter in the mail. We were stunned. I didnt understand. Both times he applied before he got beat out by little minute reasons that had nothing to with him but the hiring process - so for them not to even interview him was a shock.

But God is good. The hiring manager - Captain Tillerson decides to call my hub and let him know that he has a warrant. My hub was shocked. He never knew about it. What is really sad and really burns my baked turkey was that his application was pulled because of this warrant not only at UTA but for the Tarrant County Detention center. It sucks. But the good news is that Capt. Tillerson said that after it is cleared up they will consider him for a job bad news is that the TCD Center says he cant apply again for a year........which is fine with me.....I wasnt too comfortable with him having to monitor inmates who were not in cells but allowed to roam free in the detention center. I guess this is to be expected since he wants to become a cop - LORD HELP ME. As if I could lose anymore hair...........