Xbox - DIE DIE DIE

Dear Xbox,

I hate you. I hate your black and green hard plastic console. It's curtains for you Microsoft! You make me sick. You steal from me everyday with no regard for my feelings. Those people aren't real - they are the figment of a game engineers imagination who really didn't have a life to begin with and devoted what was left of his life to create - YOU. Do your games make its players smarter, lighter, more intuitive like the Wii console? What is your problem?????????

Mr. Gates you are married, so what the heck were you thinking - oh thats right - YOU dont play video games you just create them. Well guess what Xbox - you are officially - FOR SALE! I am tired of you stealing my "Me" time with my hubby - I am sick of you taking away our family nights and I am most disgusted by how infatuated my hub has become with you.

I am sick of being cheated on by an inanimate object that can do nothing for my husband. Who in Atari do you think you are???? HOW DARE YOU. If I werent a Christian I would use foul language or symbols to represent foul language.......look at all the damage you can do - I mean this is my marriage for crying out loud, and sin free relations, one-partner dating, procreation under Gods terms, and sin free relations (did I say that already)........I WANT MY HUSBAND BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

**calms down***

Hopefully someone will buy you quickly - if not - we will see if you know how to fly (EVIL LAUGH FOLLOWS)

P.S.
Playstation 1 - you would be next but we dont have a DVD Player! Wouldnt you know it - we are exactly where we were ONE year ago.

Day 3 - E word

I got nothing papi........except aunt flo is visiting.......ugh and double ugh....boy how I wish I were preggo again......and I could just slap eve for getting us into this mess.....girl what were you thinking????

*chunks apple at Eve and hits her upside the head*

Day 2 - The E Word

Sooo this is day two of our hub-wife exercise pact. And wouldnt you know it, where am I - you guessed it - sitting here typing this blog.

And where oh where is my hubby?????


humf!

Find Your Beauty

Do you know people who no matter what are alwasy put together - hair is on deck, make-up is flawless and the outfit came straight from a magazine? Well I know plenty and I am not one of them. Back when I was a teenager growing up in Phoenix, AZ I would be amazed and envious at the young girls who ALWAYS had it all together - no matter what. I used to think - "How did they do that and who taught them?"

And I would struggle to make my own "swag" work. I liked weird things - like black combat boots and hats - still love hats and my taste in different shoes still lingers. I hated doing my hair because I would have to perm it and I hated that and now I believe I am seeing the damages of hair straigtening. Heeeeyyy, I had a nice head of hair - actually - MY HAIR WAS REALLY NICE - great - see what happens when you dont appreciate what you have people??? Nevertheless, I didn't really care what people thought about me. In retrospect - I was the one that cared so much about what I thought about me. I didn't realize that it was because of my own opinions of me, I kind of developed my own style of beauty.

Some 10+5 years later - I discover that I have always had my own style. I never wanted to really copy off of people although I may have tried once or twice only to quickly discard that and go back to doing me. Even now - I am still not the flawless, covergirl that society potrays women to be - ALL THE TIME. I envy my grandmother because she can become a covergirl in no time flat with some eyeliner and lipstick. But me, hey a hat and some lipgloss or chapstick is good enough.

As women grow older, I believe that we peel back different layers of beauty with what life tosses at us. Don't believe me? Let me challenge you. What has life thrown at you that you have used for good and it beautified you?

As I said before I hated doing my hair when I was younger and it [my hair] was something that always held me up on different opportunities. So now for the last 10 years I have been losing it and just recently I cut it down to a mini fro and just this weekend I shaved it all off. This was a traumatic thing for me because I am an aspiring actress and the only thing I can think about is "What if they want me to change my hair?". But the longer I am bald the more my beauty is revealed. In the words of India Arie - "I am NOT my hair". Sure I am overweight - the weight can be lost and gained over and over again - but my hair is something that is a time consuming process. For some women it is their occupation - it is what makes them who they are.

All of it may never grow back in spots but I thank God that I have.........found..........my....... beauty. It was not in a magazine, a TV show, a song, a movie, a blog or even in my husbands eyes. I found my beauty in something that I thought was ugly and couldnt be fixed - my hair. So I let go of it.

This is why I love Doves Campaign for Real Beauty. True beauty is found only when you let your own opinions and perspectives go. For me I just shaved it right off, rolled it up in a ball and threw it away.

What's yours?

~Give me a thorn and I will show you the Rose it is clinging to - A Naylahism

The Drive home

So tonight as I sped down the highway to pick up my hubby (we currently only have one car) I decided that I was going to take it all off - while driving. So - I snatched my little cap and tossed it to the passenger seat......*silence*.........*more silence*.............*thinking* "I wonder if the people in the other cars are going to think I am a man"........then I quickly snatch my hat right back up and slap it on my head.

But I have nagging mini headache so I snatch it right back off until I reach my hubs job. But as we are leaving I decide to go ahead and take it off with my hub in the car...........*silence*........then I look to my left and my husband has slowly lowered his passenger seat back to a flat position so you cant see him from the outside.

He was thinking the same thing I was - "I wonder if people will think we are two bald guys in a car?"

Toodles!

Episode 1
Driving While Bald

Wax on Wax Off

From a forwarded email:

Hair Removal....

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal -
The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

Read on......
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:
'Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits.
No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?
I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh.
Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-rah, fighter of all ?wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north.
After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!!
Blinded from pain!!!!....
OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!
Another deep breath and RIPP! ?Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums???
Breathe, breathe............
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax-covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not!
I touch.
I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet?

I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself
'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!'
What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!
I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the ?wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. ?????
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.
Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone.
It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me .

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.

I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!!
I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor .
Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is ?not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at th is point?

I rub some on and OH MY STARS!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
'IT WORKS!!
It works!!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE........ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

The E Word

Ewwww - the E word. My husband and I made a pact for the time that we are going through right now. Since I am not working and he works odd hours, we decided that he would get up every morning and walk with me. So yep - I Exercised.......wasnt pretty either. We have this great neighborhood where there are at least 20 fire hydrants along our main street. Soooo, silly me all - "lose that weight" enthused decided that we should jog from hydrant to hydrant, then speed walk and so on.

Did I forget to mention that I was diagnosed with asthma about two months ago??? I was so out of breath my ears started to hurt! I really thought they were going to start bleeding from all the blood rushing around in my head.........it was horrible. Needless to say we jog between three sets of fire hydrants and my hub was worried about me so we walked all the way back....my ears didnt stop hurting until we were almost home. Jesus help me!

A Word to the wise and out of shape - going slow is not a bad idea, listen to your ears. And to this the fat brown cow saays: