Nag Diaries - with Jesus

I went to my first marriage ministry meeting today - by myself. It was very difficult and I wanted to just burst out in tears as I sat listening to the HUSBANDS esteem their wives. They were so proud of them and so...............loving. My heart fell right through my arse and onto the floor and just sat there bleeding. I didnt really talk much and it felt like a scene from an AA meeting -

Facilitator: "How bout you NaLonni, do you have anything to say?"
Me: "Nope, just listening."

I didnt know what to say. How do you say that you are slowly dying inside and that pretty little "picture frame marriage" that I had in mind is just that - a picture in a frame. You know, I know that God is real to me but how can I stay faithful in my marriage - now I am not talking about cheating - I mean stay faithful in that I am prayerful and understanding and not taking digs at him because I know this is not what God would have me to do?

We are going through the Fireproof series with Kirk Cameron. Now I must say - he is a really good actor and the little mini clip that we got to see tonight was funny. It was like they took a page out of my journal........that is really sad though. Other couples go through this. Oh well. I am going to go next month and God willing, he will change my mind and deal with me so that I can be a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my daughter.

Toodles for now!