The Wedding Album That Never Was

This is one of the pictures from our wedding day. I have yet to send it to our photographer as part of our wedding album. I have too many pictures!! I made this magazine cover and I thought it was really cute. Whaddya think?

Nag Diaries - Sunday with my Girl Photo Blog

She didn't want to give me any of her Cookie - LOL!

Nag Diaries - Almond Joy

I am home today....not feeling too good. My baby girl is back to school today after a day off...weird charter school schedule.  I don't know what I am going to do with her.  She has really good teachers but for some reason she is having a hard time keeping up with all the work they are given.  I mean this is 4th grade.  I can't expect her to be like I was in school...I was anal about my notebook and it's neatness - all the time.  I'm lucky if Rina remembers her notebook.  Anyway, they get too much homework if you ask me and nothing makes sense anymore.  I couldn't even explain algorithms (in 4th grade??) to my daughter based on the way the homework was set up.  I acutally felt STUPID or maybe I was having a pregnancy moment??  Lord how I wish I could be a stay at home mom....

I did start the morning off right though.  Check it out.

Start My Morning off Right List

✔ Me time: I took a shower, what more can I get at 6am

✔ Eat something: handfull of Cheerios..breathe, breathe....swallow....swallow.

✔ Eat something else: Cinnamon Life cereal - about a cup with 2% milk.  It stayed down.

✔ Eat some more:  Green grapes....about 8 of em.  They were sweet and yummy.

✔ Gripe about cleaning the house:  OK, only for about 5 minutes 2 minutes did i gripe then I opened the windows downstairs to air the house out.  Now it smells like a morning dog walk and wet grass......sheesh.

✔ Eat something else: Now this is where it got interesting....

I am on  a health food chop right now - not kick.  Have to be.  I have to chop out some of the old stuff I was eating.  I have too much weight and not enough baby.  My grandmother told me about Almond milk a couple of weeks ago.  I know how picky she is so I thought, what the heck try it.  I made an Almond Milk Fruit Smoothie.

It has bananas, mixed frozen berries, almond milk, honey and vanilla in it.  At first my stomach kinda said, hey what they heck is that????  Then I said, dont throw up and my stomach said okie dokie!  It was good except I noticed I started belching more.  I mean I belch all the time now that I am preggo but this was more than usual.  Go figure.  I had more than that picture below but I had already drank half of it before I remembered to take a picture....then me not being a food photographer, I wanted it to look good but didn't have anything to spruce the glass up except a frozen strawberry.  So I ran it under some warm water to soften up in order to stick it on the side of the glass.  Sacrifice.

You know what, looking at my honey that I used, I just noticed I bought imitation honey!!!!  GRRRRRRR!  Great.

Nag Diaries - ObGyn Visit - with a man

And this is what men do at the ObGyn....

That is the examination light........shaking my head.

Nag Diary - Waaaah!

Sooo, This weekend was a weird one.  It started off on Friday - I got dizzy at work.  No worries, I was fasting and figured that was the reason.  The Saturday I filmed the movie - YAY!  We were out all night until like 4am - I got sick. Cough cough.  Then on 09-12-10  - I went ahead & rushed to CVS because I thought something was not quite right.  Two tests later, I'm PREGGO!!!! 

My husband didnt believe me.  It was very difficult and has been very difficult for him since I had my miscarriage Christmas day 2009.  We were both devastated.  So Monday - I went to the doctor - took another test - POSITVE.  Then I went to see my OB on Tuesday - POSITVE.

What's really weird about it is I am not late, no morning sickness no weirdness at all.  God is good.  No matter what happens with THIS pregnancy I will continue to serve Him.  Now - can anyone help me?  i would like to exercise still but I am high risk so I am afraid to really exercise - What are your suggestions??

Nag Diaries - the Foodie Edition - Strawberry Pie

I made strawberry pie - it was good. Check it out. 

Simple Strawberry Jello Pie
Ingredients -

9 inch graham cracker Pillsbury Pie crust pie shell (follow baking directions on box)
2 tablespoons corn syrup
¾ cup sugar
1 quart fresh strawberries
1 cup water
2 tablespoons cornstarch
2 tablespoons strawberry gelatin powder
1 package Jell-o vanilla instant pudding (may substitute Pistachio pudding)
1¾ cups milk
1 package cream cheese (softened)
1 tsp vanilla extract
½ tsp lemon juice

Preparation:

Wash and trim the strawberries. Set them aside.

Combine the instant pudding, milk vanilla, according to pie directions on box in a mixer. When mixed well add the softened cream cheese and lemon juice whip on med high till well blended.

Pour this into the pie crust and chill for an hour (I used a glass pie plate for the crust, the crust slid right out so I put it on a plate and stuck it in the freezer for about 10 minutes because I didnt have an hour to wait) before continuing on with the topping layer.

Combine the corn syrup, cornstarch, sugar, and water and bring the mixture to a boil (PLEASE USE A NON-STICK PAN)

Cook until clear and thick.

Add the gelatin powder and stir until dissolved.

Let the mixture cool.

Arrange the strawberries in the pie shell and pour the gelatin mixture over the top.

Chill until completely set and serve.

Nag Diary...The Good, the horrible, hurtful and disappointing

As I sat at Barnes and Noble silently perusing the magazine section, amid a plethora of men and women in flip flops  *eww, sigh* - I can't help but think, how did I get here? It irks me to see row after row of spoiled, rich non ethnic people on the covers of these zines......whatever. But how did I get here?

Obviously I drove to North Park mall and walked across the street to B&N with my sunshine; but really how did I get here? Age 30. Overweight, back and forth dieting. The yo-yo has long since lost its string and rolled somewhere under my bed with the empty box of Girl Scout thin mints. Mmmm thin mints....

Ahem, I have had a really depressing epiphany - I am not really quite happy/content with my life. At all. How did I get here? My pastor spoke today out of Matthew 25:14 - he spoke to those whom God has given talents and how we sit idly by doing nothing with them. Including me. For years since before I can remember or better yet one of my most important thoughts that I do remember, I have said that I will be an ACTRESS. I love acting. Being on stage/set. I don't even have to be involved with a production to be "satisfied"; just being there makes me giddy inside. 
The long hours, wardrobe changes, numerous camera takes....ah........I shine on the inside at the thought of it and yet.......how did I get here?

Reflection
It wasn't...... it wasn't that my mom was on drugs, wasn't me dropping out of high school my freshman year, no it wasn't my grandfather dying, it wasn't me being in an abusive relationship, getting pregnant, being a single mom, wasn't that mistake I made with the man who was a flat out dog and I chose selfishness over life, no it wasn't my meet up with future hubby, it wasn't the wedding and honeymoon, my college years, it wasn't me moving to Texas, getting fired from my first well paying job, me shaving off all of my hair, that time when I knew I was having a mental breakdown, wasn't the first year marital affair, the partial miscarriage, the ensuing completed miscarriage almost 2 months later, it wasn't the breakdown of my relationship with my grandmother who in many ways have been like my mom, it wasn't the fact that she left me here in Texas and it wasn't my desire to be HERE at this point.

I am here because of one person. He delivered my crack addicted mom, put me back in school where I graduated with honors, gave me my own Ruth and Naomi story with my grandmother, gave me the strength to leave that abusive man, blessed me with a gorgeous daughter who is teaching me HOW to be a mom, removed the scales from my eyes to show me the truth about waiting on him, brought me to a man who starts and completes me, made me understand what joy coming in the morning after many nights of tears means, saved my marriage through my miscarriage because he let me know that I COULD get pregnant again, stripped away one of my handicaps to grow me up and truly be the woman of the house and lastly he woke me up this morning giving me one more chance to get it right.

I got HERE because of Jesus. The good, the horrible, hurtful, disappointing and bad. He got me here so I have to live for him - so he can bring me to tomorrow. Can't help but tell him thank you. Enough of the whining. I AM blessed.

Nag Diaries 10.2, Can we Pretend that Airplanes...................

Nothing as exciting as my sexcapade has occurred but life goes on...this post is kind of long and if you are anything like me......you will skip around, get bored, scroll to the bottom to look for something juicy...go read someone else blog entry, check to see how many comments......
Que-Ever.

My daughter did come home finally last Monday! She almost didn't. I forgot to send my mom a copy of Weenies birth certificate so the day of the flight everything that could go wrong - yeah - cliche.

First, my Internet didn't work. At all. I told that know-it-all AT&T rep that it was not MY phone line but the modem but hey, she's the one getting paid by AT&T and  insisted the tech was coming to look at the "phone line" to check it.  Fine - we waited, in the four hour window for the tech.

Anyway, back to Weenie - her flight was scheduled to leave from Los Angeles at 9AM on 8-16-10. First thing in the morning (Texas time) I am on my P.O.Crap blackberry trying to "tether" it to use as a modem.  I did everything - crackberry, BB forum, explored the disk that came w/it.  Nothing worked. I thought for sure since I had the Everything Data Plan or whatever it is called I would be able to use my BB as a modem - NOPE. Not happening.

So I jump on said BB to phone me mom only to be greeted with 48 year old attitude because it's LAX & that airport is known for being crowded.  Now LAX is a whole nother animal compared to Love field where you can leave less than an hour early from home and STILL make it to the gate with time to spare - NO ONE IS EVER THERE!!!

My mom had a big time 'tude. First I had to find my daughters scanned birth certificate on my PC, the scan as PDF function was NOT working so I had to scan it as a .jpg, copy it & paste it to a Word doc, enlarge it so it was legible, save said doc, connect the PC to the BB, transfer doc to BB, disconnect BB from PC, create an email from my BB to me mom, attach birth certificate - SEND - in lest than 30 mins cause mind you my mom is still at home in Los Angeles at 8am....plane leaves at 9am.....LAX advises all travelers to arrive at least 2 hours early - even earlier for unaccompanied minors.

I had to argue with my mom just to take her to the airport - she wouldn't leave! We hung up at least 3 times and called each other back. I was so frustrated I had to have the sudd-muffin talk to her - then she hung up on him. In the meantime the BB is.....still.....sending. So I think maybe it's the word doc, lemme send it again as a .jpg so off to the PC AGAIN, connect BB, transfer, repeat SEND. And the email just sits there.

Meanwhile the AT&T guy is there trying to "figure" out what's wrong with our phone line.....*smirk*
My mom  is STILL debating on leaving to go to airport AFTER I call call Southwest airlines.  They reassured me if my lil baby was there at least 2 hours within the flight leaving they will reschedule for free.  YAY.  Mom doesn't really care cause she doesn't want to sit all day at LAX in case weenie misses her flight & has to take another....

LEAVE ALREADY AND JUST TRY!

That is what I wanted to scream but I didn't. She did leave after much stomping and lip pouting on my part. Gets to LAX and there is about 100 peeps in the Southwest line *PANIC/frown*.

Mom calls me back:

Mom:  NayLahknee, it's about 100 people in front of me & I'm gonna have to pay someone to move ahead in the line, she aint never gonna make it on the plane...blah blah...sigh, OMG....wah wah....

Me: *gritting teeth* (thinks to self: I don't care....pay someone as long as she gets on that plane........) but what I really said was, Mom you are at the airport, ask someone about unaccompanied minors....

Mom: Grrrrrrr....**hangs up phone**

Me: **pulls out another strand of hair from my already balding head.**

Meanwhile - both BB emails have went nowhere, AT&T guy fixes the modem and voila! Internet back - a lot of good it will do me now though....all I could think of was "CRAP!"

Me and hubby have little spat about going to daughters orientation at new Harmony Science Nature & Sports Center (we changed her schools)....went a lil' something like this:

He had forgot.
I didn't.
He didn't want to go.
I didn't care - he was going.
There was some blah blah blah, haven't even taken a shower yet...stuff that came from the sudd-muffin. Again, didn't care;
He wanted to drink his coffee.
I didn't care if he snorted it.
Butt better be in the car and rolling down the street with me.
Sudd-muffin disappears for like 5 mins, runs back down stairs and starts rushing me to go.  Mind you, I have yet to lotion down my bodacious legs and look like I have been cleaning chalkboard erasers with my legs from the knee down....do ya think he wanted to wait for me to get some lotion???????  NO! 

We get to the orientation and guess what? The school decides to tell everyone that they will NOT be starting classes on 8-23-10 like everyone else but 8-30-10 because the school is not finished yet and no one is allowed in the building.

WTHeck????  What I really said, in my head of course was, "Ain't this some s*!@...."
Then I had to ask for forgiveness......Jesus take the wheel.

I jump quick like on the BB to call me mom and wouldn't you know it those stupid emails finally went through. Mom gets on the phone just quick enough to let me know wennie girl has just gotten on the plane and cant really talk right then.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

The Kicker
Now this would not have upset me as much except that her original flight was supposed to leave on 8-21-10. Me and sudd-muffin missed her sooo much that we paid to have her flight changed to bring her back 6 days early so we could spend time with her before she went to school. The universe was not working with me. I try to tell me mom NOT to put her on the plane but.....it was too late.......

Yeah, see that Nag down below, with the arse looking you dead in the face?
Mmm hmm.  Ain't gonna say nothing else.

Nag Diary 8.9

Sock It To Me

My granny sent me some ankle socks in the mail from Cali....for those of you that don't know - I love goofy, out of the ordinary, patterned ankle socks.

Booooo!

I was sooooo bored today at work.  *sigh*  But God is good and allows me to keep coming to work.  In the state of Texas we just extended our unemployment benefits (federally) so there are people who have been on unemployment for the last 2 years.  This is bad....I mean the recession.  I hope we come out of it soon.  Texas is an employer driven state when it comes to unemployement and I really don't care for that face being someone that has been fired for no reason.......let me stop.

Run
I have the car tonight so I have to pick up the sudd-muffin from work....pish posh as my friend Audrey says......I am trying to hurryupandfinishthisblogsoIcangetoutofhereontime so my words may did run together.

Pray
I talked to my little Angel today and she is coming home AUGUST 16!  Boo yow!  She also informed me that she had a God encounter at church this past Sunday.  And I wasnt there.  It is so amazing.  I thank the Lord everyday that at least if my daughter chooses to go another way, I am trying to do my best to let her know who God is and how awesome He is.  She has been in church since before she was born because my granny wouldn't let me miss a day....except those times I was too fat to get up during those last few weeks I was preggo.......boy that was fun....I digress. 

The sudd-muffin was in the car with me when I found out about our daughters God encounter and we both were in tears.  It made me realize that if my daughter can be in church, listen to a song and realize how blessed her life is because of God - then what are we doing as adults ignoring it? 

And a child shall lead them.....

We also finally started talking again - like for real.  I am so insecure sometimes but on a side note - my sudd-muffin is back and ROARIN!  Now where did those red high heeled pumps go........

Nag Diary 8.8: Moving on, Wishful Thinking, Future Happenings

Moving On
So yesterday was not a good day but God is good and today is a NEW day.  Being a wife is hard work.  Do you ever feel like, as a mom, wife, homemaker, worker - that you have on too many clothes, hats, accessories?  Do you know what I mean?  Let me explain.......

I feel like I have on one bright red sexy pump, one sensible running shoe, my mommy hat, an apron around my waist with some sexy drawers on for the hub, a halo on top of my head, one broken angel wing - dont know where the other fell off at, a duster tucked in the band of my apron - for cleaning, my nerd glasses on, my daughters math & science books balanced precariously on my head, my customer service voice turned on to help those unemployed people (lord end this recession!), my acting mask on because really I'm an actress who hasn't made it at all, my fat/skinny jeans on (I keep losing and gaining the weight) and a Rose between my teeth to set this sucker off!  *ding*


Wishful Thinking
Back to reality.  I often look at my wedding day pics - people frozen in time, euphoria and expectation and I have to admit I wish I could frame up my life, hang it on the wall and let the picture live for me.  Alas....... it cannot be done!!!!  We have to live our lives with the good and the bad, take everything in with grace and let things go with that same grace.  So yeah, my marriage is rough sometimes but I am spiritually sucking it up and asking God to carry those things that are too heavy for me.  Thank you!

Future Happenings

I want my baby girl to come home right noooooowwwwww!  I miss her and her grandmother sent me countless pics from her visit to Sacramento which only made things worse.  She is supposed to come home on August 21 but forget that mess - my baby is comin home like this week.  I will just pay for the ticket and keep it movin!  She is my world and I miss her terribly!!  


Until the next nag diary...Got purpose? No - then let's get it!

Nag Diaries 99.9 - YOU, YOU, YOU...YOU know I

Today started out as a good day but ended in silence.  I don't have anything to say to him..I know you.  You lie, you hide things and I can tell, regardless of what you say.  I don't get it.  5 years and you're still trying to convince  yourself that it's me not you.  I get tired of this feeling.  Tired of trusting, forgiving, hurting, then forgiving - and the vicious cycle continues.......

You know I prayed a long time for God to remove my dispair and hurt just so I could function.  He answered my prayer....He continues to answer that prayer because He knows my struggles...but how can I keep going?  

YOU don't get it.  

YES, I am insecure.  

YOU betrayed me.  

YES I still hurt. I am human.  

YES I have forgiven you.  But I have not forgotten.  

YES I love you.  But can you get over yourself enough to truly love me?

It would be better for you to just admit somethings even though I know they will hurt but the lying hurts more.

*cyber sniffle sniffle*