Obviously I drove to North Park mall and walked across the street to B&N with my sunshine; but really how did I get here? Age 30. Overweight, back and forth dieting. The yo-yo has long since lost its string and rolled somewhere under my bed with the empty box of Girl Scout thin mints. Mmmm thin mints....
Ahem, I have had a really depressing epiphany - I am not really quite happy/content with my life. At all. How did I get here? My pastor spoke today out of Matthew 25:14 - he spoke to those whom God has given talents and how we sit idly by doing nothing with them. Including me. For years since before I can remember or better yet one of my most important thoughts that I do remember, I have said that I will be an ACTRESS. I love acting. Being on stage/set. I don't even have to be involved with a production to be "satisfied"; just being there makes me giddy inside.
The long hours, wardrobe changes, numerous camera takes....ah........I shine on the inside at the thought of it and yet.......how did I get here?
Reflection
It wasn't...... it wasn't that my mom was on drugs, wasn't me dropping out of high school my freshman year, no it wasn't my grandfather dying, it wasn't me being in an abusive relationship, getting pregnant, being a single mom, wasn't that mistake I made with the man who was a flat out dog and I chose selfishness over life, no it wasn't my meet up with future hubby, it wasn't the wedding and honeymoon, my college years, it wasn't me moving to Texas, getting fired from my first well paying job, me shaving off all of my hair, that time when I knew I was having a mental breakdown, wasn't the first year marital affair, the partial miscarriage, the ensuing completed miscarriage almost 2 months later, it wasn't the breakdown of my relationship with my grandmother who in many ways have been like my mom, it wasn't the fact that she left me here in Texas and it wasn't my desire to be HERE at this point.
I am here because of one person. He delivered my crack addicted mom, put me back in school where I graduated with honors, gave me my own Ruth and Naomi story with my grandmother, gave me the strength to leave that abusive man, blessed me with a gorgeous daughter who is teaching me HOW to be a mom, removed the scales from my eyes to show me the truth about waiting on him, brought me to a man who starts and completes me, made me understand what joy coming in the morning after many nights of tears means, saved my marriage through my miscarriage because he let me know that I COULD get pregnant again, stripped away one of my handicaps to grow me up and truly be the woman of the house and lastly he woke me up this morning giving me one more chance to get it right.
I got HERE because of Jesus. The good, the horrible, hurtful, disappointing and bad. He got me here so I have to live for him - so he can bring me to tomorrow. Can't help but tell him thank you. Enough of the whining. I AM blessed.
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