I am going through a lot right now. I don't think I have ever thought about suicide so much in my ENTIRE life. I don't understand. It's like that picture to the right. I took that picture when my husband and I went on our Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives wedding anniversary trip. The sun is covered by storm clouds but some of it's rays are peeking thru. I am the sun and life right now are the storm clouds. Let me run it down:If it isn't bad enough I'm dealing with Aiden being gone, I go and accuse my husband of something so stupid instead of just being his wife and recognizing that he is human. I was mean to him last night, he left for a while and didn't sleep with me in the bed. I hate that. I woke up this morning at 3am paying for my stress dearly with insomnia and migraine nation.
As soon as I got in my car, 10 minutes late, I turned on the radio to my daily Chuck Swindoll broadcast. Lo and behold, his message this week is Hope, After I Do. Talk about God Smacked!
Chuck Swindoll: ....it's not up to us to change our husbands, it's up to God to make them Good and for us to love them (I'm paraphrasing)
Me: **blubbering uncontrollably with snot and tears running down my face, trying hard to see through my tear stained glasses, doint 65mph on the highway***
Chuck Swindoll: ....women adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands just as Sarah was to Abraham......(listen to the broadcast)
Me: I had a Diane Keaton crying moment.....groans and all. It was pathetic
When I got to work, my face felt "this" huge and all hot. Boy I'm glad I'm dark skinned or else everybody would have thought I just had a steam bath on my face.
I tried working but couldn't even focus so I came home only to find out I was stabbed in the back, front, side AND leg by someone that I used to be very close to. I wont besmirch this person but it was so painful.
I was so angry at first. Like really angry. Then I was so hurt that all I could do was just pray for this person. Now my husband on the other hand is not that forgiving. I wont repeat what he said but.....let's just say, I'm not going to California for spring break anymore. *sigh*
On a brighter note, my big sister prayed for me today. Doesn't seem like much but if you know me then you know my sister has never been in a place where she would willingly pray for me as my big sister. We have never been close. Always at odss, both of dealing with the repercussions of a single parent so deep into their addiction that we are scared for life. I am so thankful for her. Wow. I never thought she would be there for me like that...my sister. I mean we hated each other at one point in our lives and now TODAY she prayed for me. God is good.
