I am going through a lot right now. I don't think I have ever thought about suicide so much in my ENTIRE life. I don't understand. It's like that picture to the right. I took that picture when my husband and I went on our Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives wedding anniversary trip. The sun is covered by storm clouds but some of it's rays are peeking thru. I am the sun and life right now are the storm clouds. Let me run it down:If it isn't bad enough I'm dealing with Aiden being gone, I go and accuse my husband of something so stupid instead of just being his wife and recognizing that he is human. I was mean to him last night, he left for a while and didn't sleep with me in the bed. I hate that. I woke up this morning at 3am paying for my stress dearly with insomnia and migraine nation.
As soon as I got in my car, 10 minutes late, I turned on the radio to my daily Chuck Swindoll broadcast. Lo and behold, his message this week is Hope, After I Do. Talk about God Smacked!
Chuck Swindoll: ....it's not up to us to change our husbands, it's up to God to make them Good and for us to love them (I'm paraphrasing)
Me: **blubbering uncontrollably with snot and tears running down my face, trying hard to see through my tear stained glasses, doint 65mph on the highway***
Chuck Swindoll: ....women adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands just as Sarah was to Abraham......(listen to the broadcast)
Me: I had a Diane Keaton crying moment.....groans and all. It was pathetic
When I got to work, my face felt "this" huge and all hot. Boy I'm glad I'm dark skinned or else everybody would have thought I just had a steam bath on my face.
I tried working but couldn't even focus so I came home only to find out I was stabbed in the back, front, side AND leg by someone that I used to be very close to. I wont besmirch this person but it was so painful.
I was so angry at first. Like really angry. Then I was so hurt that all I could do was just pray for this person. Now my husband on the other hand is not that forgiving. I wont repeat what he said but.....let's just say, I'm not going to California for spring break anymore. *sigh*
On a brighter note, my big sister prayed for me today. Doesn't seem like much but if you know me then you know my sister has never been in a place where she would willingly pray for me as my big sister. We have never been close. Always at odss, both of dealing with the repercussions of a single parent so deep into their addiction that we are scared for life. I am so thankful for her. Wow. I never thought she would be there for me like that...my sister. I mean we hated each other at one point in our lives and now TODAY she prayed for me. God is good.
Hey,
ReplyDeleteYou need to be still-very still and very quiet. I'm not saying that you should not blog--blog as much as you want! But, in your spiritual life, there is a storm raging and if you will stay very still, quiet and thoughtful, the Lord will guide your path. His path is one of prosperity, longevity and health. Be good to yourself and those around you. Sometimes, people stab you because they are hurting and you are close--that goes for you, me, your friend, your husband and everyone in this world. Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that the heart is deceitful and beyond cure--he's talking about everyone, not just believers or nonbelievers. So, we know that we have to stay watchful of ourselves and others--we have to be watchful of our thoughts, words and deeds. You belong to Him and He belongs to you. In your corner, Cynthia
P.S. If people like what you have to say they will follow. Keep the blog that gives you the most spiritual satisfaction and let the rest go. Be blessed!