Today is Sunday!! We went to church this morning and like my last three experiences with our new church - it was enlightening and uplifting - praise be to God. My husband actually woke up this day and did not frown complain or flap about going to church - amazing!
What hurt me though about this day was the phone call my husband placed to his mother back in Cali. Let me give you some background -
My husband was lets just say not treated right when he was a child. His home life would have made any social worker weep. He has grown into an adult still harboring all of these issues that he had as a child - which I think sometimes affects our relationship but I haven't gotten my degree in sociology or psychology so I cant comment on that.
I was hurt because my husband was hurt - he found out that his mother, step-father and little brother who is 13 years old took a trip to San Diego for the Chargers game today......something that his mother never did for him when he was a child. I could tell that he was hurt but I just left it alone because I didn't want to open any old wounds.
What do you do when you cant get past physical and verbal abuse that you experienced as a child? I don't believe parents actually see the long term effects their behaviour has on their children. It's almost unfair because its like your first child is your test run any children after that you try to make up for the mistakes you made with your first child.
Is this what God was speaking of when he said honor thy mother and father - despite the fact that they totally messed up as parents in the past? Is this what it means to forgive? And when does the real healing begin?? And why do I as the wife have to deal with these old battle scars that are ripped open at every turn?
I'm no therapist but I think wives in these days have to practice a little therapy just to make sure that their marriage survives. So many women give in to divorce and separations over really trivial reasons. But it is my belief that a little prayer and understanding can go a long way in a marriage if we allow ourselves to see through our husbands eyes.
Look, a comment! I love this post.
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking about this tonight. Call it therapy, call it understanding, call it whatever... it can be the hardest thing to see through their eyes, can't it? But it does take me doing just that to make things better.